In the eye of the storm

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I feel a bit like I am in the eye of the storm. I’m not calm in the eye, I am stuck there while “things” swirl around me.

First, Tuesday was my first day back at work in four months. Traffic is nuts – schools and Universities just started. One of the classes I teach is at 8:30 AM, so I need to leave by 7:15 to make sure I get here in time. Parking at work is crazy (and over-sold)…so I left early today too. I had forgotten how difficult it is to work here – not the students or the teaching, but there is a cloud of negativity here. It is not a happy workplace. Plus, as a part-time contact worker I share an office space with several other people, who are nice, but there is constant coming and going of people plus people talking and just the fact that I am an introvert and here at work I am never alone. Except for right now. It’s 8 AM and I am the first one here.

Second, I have missed two days of the blog along with Effy challenge, and I feel like I have “failed” the challenge. I KNOW intellectually that it’s fine. But I feel like I have failed myself. Yesterday evening, after a tiring day, I was composing a post when my laptop froze and I lost it. At that point I gave up, made dinner, and watched Star Trek DS9 with my spouse and kid.

Third, Hurricane Irma is devastating the Caribbean. This impacts me personally because my spouse and I just returned from a trip to Jamaica a week and a half ago, I lived in Barbados for 12 years, I have Facebook friends in the Caribbean, and my dad still lives in Barbados. Luckily Barbados was spared (my dad’s words). And now there’s Hurricane José, predicted to follow a similar path to Irma.

I have been feeling stressed and overwhelmed and a bit defeated. I had so many plans for how I would blog, and work, and do art, and get to yoga, and maybe re-join Toastmasters, but I am having trouble believing that I can fit it all in. BUT – this morning I got up and did my morning journaling, read an article in “Live Happy” magazine about setting an intention for the day, resolved to pick myself up, sang loudly in my car on the drive in to work, and wrote this blog entry. I plan to leave by 3 PM, go home and do some kind of art. (One advantage of my position is that I don’t have set hours that I have to be in my office, I just need to get my work done). I will re-focus and work on a plan to do the things, like art and yoga that are important to me. I will be gentle with myself as I adjust to my return to work and develop a new schedule. Onward and upward.

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8 thoughts on “In the eye of the storm”

  1. Wow, it’s not easy doing the juggling, especially when you have worries over Irma. I think you’re right, be lovely to yourself because this seems like a potentially stressful time. Well done on getting your head around it today 🙂

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  2. So many things I want to say here, but I just woke up 10 minutes ago and my brain is not in gear yet. So I’ll say that my heart is with you, that I’m grateful you’re dad is okay, and that we will get through this chaos one step and one breath at a time. ❤

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  3. I so resonate with the making the effort thing. It is a regular struggle of mine. Thankfully, I have to make art to make rent, so I *always manage to do it*, but there are times when the things I do just for me are the very hardest to get to.

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